Sunday, February 16, 2014


The drink you spilt all over me
"Lover's Spit" left on repeat
My mom and dad let me stay home
It drives you crazy getting old

Sometimes I pretend, in the moments before waking, that I am a child once again.  That instead of this old hapless body, I am unencumbered by the chains of longevity.  In these unconscious waves of semi reality I am unaware of the degraded muscle and brittle bone.  I jump up and down on the bed and than race out the door through the endless fields of corn.  My father, the stocky build of a farmer, runs after me.  Before his skin became old and sallow.  Before I watched them lower his body into the ground.  I was middle aged by then.

This dream isn't feeling sweet
We're reeling through the midnight streets
And I've never felt more alone
It feels so scary getting old

They are all dead now: mom, dad, my sister.  After my son died, they brought me to this place.  They thought that I was mute after the stroke.  I guess it had never occurred to all those doctors that I may not have wanted to talk.  And of course, if you don't speak, you must be stupid.  

The staff comes to my room and yells at me in loud, slow tones.  I stare at them determinedly but don't dare make a sound.  Who would believe it now?  I whisper in the midnight darkness to no one in particular, it reminds me that I am still here.

Everyone I know has died.  A hundred years of motion, it appears that my body doesn't know how to follow them.

I want them back (I want them back)
The minds we had (the minds we had)
It's not enough to feel the lack (I want them back, I want them back)
I want it!

The only one who comes to visit anymore is the doctor.  He clucks quietly as he examines my belly underneath the sheets.  I see the wrinkles.  The skin of his jowls hang down like mine.  He is the  only other soul in the building as old as me.  After he visits he asks the nurse to sit me up in front of the window.  I watch the cars slow down and the breaks lights before turning the corner.  

I am alone.

You're the only friend I need (you're the only friend I need)
Sharing beds like little kids (sharing beds like little kids)
We'll laugh until our ribs get tough (We'll laugh until our ribs get tough)
But that will never be enough (but that will never be enough)

That will never be enough
That will never be enough
That will never be enough
That will never be enough
That will never be enough 

*Lyrics courtesy of Lorde, from Ribs

1 comment:

Unknown said...

WOW! I don't know how to comment on this one. I am left speechless. Thank you.