Saturday, December 20, 2008

The Day I Lost My Confidence

I brace as the sheets of white assault my car. My foot on the clutch sways with each loss of traction. The clock reads 5:30 or some ungodly hour. The roads are empty except f0r the occasional companion that passes in the early morning darkness. My mind is distracted. The forecast is bleak. Snow all day. The department of streets and sanitation has released a travel warning and suggests staying off the roads.

Why not work from home? Call into the office? Not exactly an option for a physician. The patients in the hospital can't be cancelled. I can't just wait to see them the next day. And then there's the expectation. That I will be available. Even on the worst of days. I'll be there...Just call. I'm not sure if the unreasonableness is theirs or mine.

And my brain races back. To a year ago. On a morning like this. Before the snow plows. Hurrying to make it to the hospital for who knows what. Just a few blocks from the office. On the expressway. When I lost control I thought I was going to crash into the barrier. But then to my complete horror the car skidded in the opposite direction. I had just moments to contemplate before I hit the semi. Luckily in the back. And then I swayed to safety to the side of the road.

Unscathed...physically at least. But a year later I 'm still a little skittish. Moment by moment trying to recover.....from the day I lost my confidence.

4 comments:

tracy said...

That's so scary, Dr. Jordan, i can't even imagine what it must have been like...and still is like...i am so glad you weren't physically hurt and i hope you continue to heal.
Best wishes,
tracy

tracy said...

Happy Hanukkah, Dr. Jordan.

tracy said...

Hi Dr. Jordan,
i hope you are okay and just taking a blogging break. Miss you. Happy 2009!

Best Always,
tracy

Jordan said...

Thanks Tracy...you too! I haven't had time to write because I'm on vacation. Be back soon!