Tuesday, May 21, 2013
In Memoriam: Letting People In
You once told my office manager that I saved you. I shrugged. I couldn't help but feel that I was watching you die day by day. It's not that I didn't try. I fought with you tooth and nail. Begged you to go to the hospital, for anything: a pneumonia, vomiting, I would have been willing to make up a diagnosis. But you told me that hospitals were places that people go to die.
I watched and waited. I scolded that one day I would get a call from the police telling me you were gone. You lived up to that prophecy. I wondered back then how I would feel. I suspected some version of relief. After struggling for months and years, I couldn't help but suffer a certain amount of battle fatigue. I now know more accurately what resides in my heart
Something strange happens when people let you into their lives. You struggle through their peaks and valleys. You become soldiers in a common battle. In many ways they become a little part of you. The hazard in this profession is letting too many people in.
Because they all die eventually.
And tragically, predictably, a special piece of you goes with them.
Posted by Jordan Grumet at 6:21 PM