Thursday, October 2, 2008

Don't Be Afraid (Cont)

Darren could barely keep his eye's fixed on the computer screen in front of him. The ICU buzzed with early evening activity. He tried to stay awake but he kept on drifting. I should be home now! His anger came and went quickly. Afterall he signed up for this job. He didn't, however, have any idea how hard it would be at the time he entered his training. It was supposed to be medical school and residency that were hard. But now ten years later he was still w0rking maniacal hours. Still not sleeping at night. And still scrounging to make ends meet.

His mistake in retrospect was going into primary care. But who knew ten years ago how poorly it would pay? Darren also had no clue how deeply school would put him in debt. And now there was the wife and kids. House payments. If only he had gone into radiology. That's where the money is!

But maybe it wasn't even about money. It wasn't just the economics but the respect issue. Darren worked just as hard as his specialist friends. In fact he probably filled out more paperwork, took more late night phone calls, and yet still was looked at as the bottom of the totem pole. His judgement's questioned daily. After all....he was just the "pcp". An acronym Darren had grown to hate.

Don't be afraid

As Darren nodded of in his chair he heard his fathers words again. They were words he lived by. Although his father died long ago his words remained. Darren couldn't remember when he had given him this sage advice. Was it a dream or did it really happen? It didn't matter. Whenever times got tough he would hear those words eminate from his innerds. His dad may be gone but his soul remained.

And that's why Darren went to medical school. And that's why he chose primary care while his friends went into more lucrative fields. And that's why he continued to see his own patients in the hospital while everyone else used hospitalists. And thats why Darren was sitting in the ICU, as he did many nights missing his family, and wondering where his life went wrong.

And that's why Darren's wife was threatening to leave him.

Don't be afraid

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